Confessions of a Ryan

Its true. You cant predict what you don't know. Take Life, for example. No one can predict what is to come. No one. Well, Nostradamus maybe, but come on; he's awesome. Don't worry, that was a joke. But I mean it, no one can even guess at what is coming their way.

Take me. Yeah, its been a while. Nearly, a month in fact. A lot has happened since then. Half of it I cant even begin to properly understand myself, let alone forming it into coherent passages for posting here on this blog. But, how about some highlights? I am turning 22 next tuesday, May 16th, and Im not really looking forward to it. I have found birthdays depressing for the last two or three years. Why? Because it marks another passed year, and when I look over my achievements, or rather lack thereof, for said year? I get a little depressed. Its not a huge thing, I doubt anyone could actually see it in me, but its certainly there.

In other news, I made a new friend. One of note, in fact: she's American. Yeah. Okay, in case I never mentioned it, or made it clear, I love America. LOVE. Everything about it. For your sake, its not worth getting into, trust me. But yeah. New friend; American at that. Her name is Reena, and she lives in New Jersey, which is just kinda below New York which, incidentally, is the focal point of my adoration for America. Oh, you're learning so much about me today, aren't ya? She goes to college there, and she is a Bio Major. She will eventually go to Med School and become a doctor. A doctor. You have no idea how it is for me to know her. I feel like she is already beyond me, on several levels. I mean, she is gonna be a doctor. What am I? As of yet, nothing. But heres the kicker - she has inspired me. Don't get me wrong, it was already in there, but I honestly have to give her more credit than anyone else, myself included.

I have had a dream for a couple years now, and that is to become a Psychiatrist. Okay, maybe its more a Psychologist. I just properly looked into it, and it seems that in order to actually become a Psychiatrist there is, among other things, a mandatory 13 years of medical training and studies to complete. Fuck. Thirteen years is more than half of my current lifespan. Jesus, thats hardcore. Anyway, whatever. A trained mental health expert. So, heres the thing: I have actually decided to try for it. Really try for it! And you might not think that means a lot. But for me, its insanely huge. I kinda don't think I can do it, but people I know say I can. Including Jersey. Oh, thats what I call her by the way. Cause she lives in New Jersey... yeah, Im a clever one.

So, the good and bad of it:

Good:
- I have some sort of direction to my life now, albeit a loose one for now.
- I am finally going for something I have wanted for a long time.
- I could finally show a lot of people just what Im capable of.

Bad:
- Well, it wont be easy to even get into such a course, and even once I do I still have all the work to do.
- The course wouldn't start until next year, and I cant even really apply for it for another three or four months, so its not as if I can go off tomorrow and start getting things going towards this goal.
- Its kind of a scary prospect for me. I just hope that my fear of never going anywhere severely overwhelms any fear that such a situation might present...

Okay, so there you have it. Some sort of a loose update to the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, all sorts of things have happened, but a lot of them aren't interesting enough to be posted here, and of course there are the ones I am still trying to fully make sense of myself, so... I guess thats it for now.

And here I am, still acting as though I actually have people reading these ramblings of mine...